Jersey Shore-Kirkwall Edition

"Kirkwall Shore" PART I
The Introduction

Characters:
Marian Hawke – "Mari" ('The Sweetheart')
Anders – "Andie"
Sebastian Vael – "The Sebastuation"
Varric Tethras – "Varry T"
Fenris – "Finny"
Isabela – "I-Woww"
Merrill – "Schmookie"




"I'm going to KIRKWALL BIIIIIITCH" Marian shouted, twirling her fingers around her hair extensions. "Oooooooh muy Maykuh. My horse! It's liiiiiike, not go-ing!" Marian gave her horse a tiny kick with her platform Orlesian styled shoes that had more studs than the Blooming Rose. She let out a high pitched squeal as the horse bolted into the distance.

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The Sebastuation packs his FRESH clothes after he finishes FRESHLY bathing and FRESHLY tanning outside.
"The Sebastuation is all about BTL: Body, Tanning, Laundry. You look good, you feel good, y'know?" Duck lips immediately follow the sentence. "Ya, ya, ya girls, watch out for The Sebastuation, comin' to KIRKWALL BAAAYYBEEEE." He fist pumps the air like he just don't care. It's a Starkhaven thing.

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"I only have one rule when it comes to Kirkwall Shore. Don't fall in love." After Andie had tragically lost his love Karl to the fate of becoming a Tranquil….guy on the beaches of Wounded Coast and caught that lying, cheating scumbag with another man, Anders was determined not to make the same mistake again. "I'm just goin' to have fun, you know, hook UP….." His body suddenly illuminated in a brilliant blue before a deepened voice interrupted him "THAT IS AN INJUSTICE TO YOUR GENITALS, ANDERS. WE HAVE MORE IMPORTANT WORK TO DO." Andie sighed. "This is going to be a long summer."

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Varry T shirtlessly applies more hairgel to his unflappable do. "Yo, yo it's Varry T SON. My hair is flawless."
He then, of course, motioned to his chest which miraculously looked like a well styled bear skin rug. Except it was on his chest. He lathered himself with more tanning oil before carefully cradling "B-anca" (which was stylishly painted red, white and green) and heading out the door in his sweet carriage ride.

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Fenris, also known as "Finny," popped his 8 collars and coolly outfitted his gigantic white rimmed shades before stepping out into the sun where his tattoos (that had now been blinged out, encrusted with tiny diamond gems) glimmered in the hot sun. He waggled his eyebrows thinking about all those hot women he was going to bring back to the Mansion that were totally DTF.
"Yo bro, I can't WAIT to get down to Kirkwall, you know, have a good time. It's goin' be a blast."

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"My name is Isabela, but people just call me I-Woww cause I'm hot like you know, f***** WOW". I-Woww gave a nonchalant hair flip. "I mean, you know, I don't even care about guys, it's just like a game to me, whatevah. I'll slice their throats, you know, I'm goin' do what I'm goin' do, it's like that, you know?" I-Woww leaned back in her chair, her comically gigantic breasts almost meeting her chin. "I mean, sh**, I know I'm hot, and like, whatevah if some bitch wants to cross me, I'll beat her ass. That simple, you know? I got no PROBLEM beatin' bitches ass." She smacked her lips in an intimidating manner which was sort of hard to see because her huge tits were sort of in the way. "I'm just lookin' to have fun, you know? KIRKWALL BABY!!!"

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"NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" said "Schmookie".